I just had a conversation with some retard that actually thought he was good at this. he described his lackluster technique with an air of complete arrogance and totally bored the fuck out of Me, as I'm sure he does with all the Women who allow him to go down on them. After laughing at him and telling him what a mediocre lover he is I gave him the best advice he will ever get. I taught him how to lick pussy. And since I'm sure I've fucked more Women than any of you tragically single losers I'll explain to you the right way to do it so you can stop annoying the Women that you somehow convince or get drunk enough to sleep with you.

First off, guys if you want to be good at this (and you do) you need to realize that the shit you see in porn is for the best camera angles not to pleasure the girl. Women aren't icecream cones. Or, getting absolutely anything out of your lame ass adolescent licking the alphabet thing. Whatever fake moaning your girl is doing while you are just randomly lapping it up like a dog is to spare your feelings not because She actually enjoys it that way.

EVERY Women loves it when a guy goes down on them -unless you suck. Have you ever met a guy that didn't like blowjobs? Right. We're the same way. If She says She doesn't like it what She's really trying to tell you is She doesn't like the way you do it. Her last boyfriend probably did it better, and trust Me, that's the only thing going through Her head while youre fumbling around embarrassing yourself down there. Once you've had a guy that knows exactly how to make you cum you compare everyone after to him.

A Woman that is actually enjoying Herself and not faking will be wet and moving into you and tensed up the entire time you are licking Her. Her clit will stand out and Her lips will spread open and get really sensitive. If She isn't doing all of those things then She isn't as into it as your ego thinks. Anyone can fake moan it's the other stuff that counts.  

And although everyone has their own personal favorite thing the technique that holds true with all Women is so simple I can't believe how many of you idiots haven't figured it out. STEADY RHYTHYM! That's it, boys. Find the pace and the place She likes and keep it there. Dont fuck around with changing it up and getting creative. Girls dont like that. It's annoying. Sure in the beginning be teasing and soft and sucking, etc. but once She is into it and wants to cum too much teasing is kinda like blueballs and makes for a very unhappy gf. If She is starting to cum you are doing something right so dont' fuck it up and change the speed. Just keep to what you were doing. you don't have to go faster unless She is telling you to. Also, most girls actually do like to have their asses played with but a lot of girls are shy about it. If you're girl isn't this is definitely a time saver if it's taking Her a long time.

Also, We're not like you losers. We are very conscious of Our bodies and what positions are flattering and unflattering. If We dont' feel sexy and beautiful doing something than chances are it's not gonna happen. So work on your people skills along with your clit tonguing to make Her feel irresistible and your sex life should exponentially improve.

Alright boys go out there and show Her what you've learned! -And thank Me by tributing HUGE for this priceless advice!